Known v Unknown Egg Donation

[Alice]

I'm trying to work through all the options at the moment and egg donation seems like it's the most likely option for me. I was wondering if anyone who has gone through this already has any experiences they could share?

One question that's particularly of interest to me is known v unknown donation. I have a sister who has one child (and another on the way) and so there is a potential option for donation - although I haven't asked her yet, and don't know how she and her husband would react. There are clearly advantages to this route, but I don't know (a) how to go about asking and (b) whether the is the right route. Does anyone have any experience of known donation - how much has it been awkward/difficult/changed the relationship? I know I will be to some extent, but I don't want to feel 'indebted' every time I see her, and for her and any potential children to have an odd/difficult relationship. Having said that, family is very important to me, and I have always been very similar to my siblings, so it would be wonderful to have children who are 'related'.

Also, for unknown donation - I'm beginning to come to terms with this, and see that (should it work for me) I would still obviously love the children. But does anyone have any experience they could share about this? Do you 'forget' about the 'provenance', or is seeing them always likely to be a reminder of the fact that I couldn't have 'my own'? Is that a problem? Or are the upsides so enormous that it's not really an issue?

So many questions, I know....! Thank you for any advice!

[Kimberleyden]

Hi Alice
I too had this dilema when considering egg donation. However I am extremely pleased with the route me and my husband chose and we now have two beautiful 3 month old twins (1 boy and 1 girl).
We opted for anonomous egg donation via an egg sharing programme. The egg sharing programme is basically an option run by some private clinics that offers women needing IVF the option to have free treatment (with minimal waiting lists) in exchange for donating some of their eggs to women like us. As an egg recipient we get to know a little about the donor (job, interests, hair and eye colour, height, weight, age etc) and decide if we would like to proceed with that donor. May I add that the donor is chosen to match your characterisitcs as closely as possible (to avoid designer babies I think). Once both parties agree to proceed the donor starts her IVF treatment and I started some hormone therapy to prepare my womb. We were lucky as the donor produced 18 eggs. We recieved 9 and 6 embroyo's developed. Two were transfered into me on day 3 and the remaining 4 were grown to blastercyst but unfortunately didnt make it. 12 days later I had a positive pregnancy test and 4 weeks after that I was told it was twins.
After carrying the twins for 7 months (they came 10 weeks early) I look at them totally as my own (after all without my womb they wouldnt be here). They are my children grown in my tummy, and I love them dearly. I do think of the donor and hope her cycle was as sucessful as mine, but that is it really. I am so grateful to her, but glad in a way that I dont know her so I can get on with bringing up our children. We will tell our children that they are egg donated when they are old enough to understand, and if they want to find her I dont mind. After all i would like them to meet the most generous women in the world - she must be a lovely person, and glad my children have her DNA! I think it helps that I am not precious about my DNA and in a way its quite exciting thinking the babies may have hidden talents! Silly i know but i cannot think of a negative reason for anonomous egg donation.
Hope this helps.
Feel free to ask me any questions
Kimberleyden x

[Alice]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Kimberley. It's really helpful to hear about a real situation and not just all the medical facts and figures, and it really puts it in context. I'm so pleased it's worked out well for you... we'll definitely bear your comments in mind while thinking through the options!

[numberwitch]

Hi Alice,

I'm childless, but one of my closest friends has two children (now in their early teens) via anonymous egg donation and she always been completely open about their story. I can honestly say that I never think of them as anything other than 100% HER children, and I don't think that either she or the kids feel any less connected to each other.

Good luck with your journey.

xx