Cultural Difficulties in Telling Family

[TTRacer]

Hi - I was diagnosed when i was 28 and it has taken up until only 1 month ago for me to pluck up the courage to tell my parents. My parents are from Pakistan and are muslim. It is difficult enough talking to them about 'personal' issues anyway, but with the added 'taboo' of a daughter unable to bear a child, made it all the more difficult.
It hasn't been perfect, but it has been a huge weight off my shoulders.
I think each situation is individual as are people. But I am happy to share my experiences (as the long journey continues). So please feel free to share and ask questions.
TT

[Joanne B]

Hi TT,
That must have been really hard and taken courage telling your parents about your POF, I think expectations are high in many cultures for women to have children and can add an extra dimension to the grief and isolation we already feel going through this. I am not a muslim so do not know enough about the faith to totally understand how difficult it must be for you, but as a woman who has gone through pof as well, I really feel for you.
I am glad you felt a sense of relief to have told them, as it must have been quite a burden to carry around with you.
I wish you well and hope your journey is a smooth one.
Best wishes,
Joanne
ps. does TT refer to your car? if so I have one too great arn't they!

[TTRacer]

Hahaha...yes, i wish!! Unfortunately not though.
Thanks so much for your comments though.
TTx

[Joanne B]

Hi TT,

Sorry Hope things are a little better for you. Hope you find the forum helpful.
Best wishes, Joanneb

[JkaurV]

Hi TTRacer,

I can somewhat sympathise with your posting. When i found out about my POF, it was a year into my marriage and i was (and still am) living with my in-laws. I am sikh and so appreciate the taboo around certain topics in asian cultures. Once my husband and i found out about my POF i wanted to tell my in-laws but i sensed that my husband was more afraid. Anyhow, one morning, sure enough we did pluck up the courage, there were lots of tears and hugs but we found that they were actually pretty surportive. However, being married to the only son in the family i really felt the (un-said) pressure. Although my in-laws told me not to worry and that 'what will be will be', it didnt stop the look of dissapointment washing over their faces. To this day i feel this is a shortcoming in me as a daughter-in-law, but this is something i have to come to terms with me. My in-laws have asked we dont tell other members outside our immediate family - again down to it being a taboo subject. But i know and i'm sure they do that its only a matter of time before people start wondering why we havent started a family.

With both my parents and my in-laws originating from India, there were some episodes where i was strongly encouraged to try this, that and the other herbal remedey from back home (none of which have worked). But now we have asked everyone to leave us alone, to our own devices, which they have done (well, its been a few months since anyone mentioned anything). So lets hope that continues.

JKaurV